My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
