I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
