we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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