Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
