Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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