The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Girls should come with a carfax report
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
