I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
