The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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