??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
