why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
