Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
