I can tuck mytits in my pants
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
