tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
