i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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