I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
