Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
