Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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