Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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