i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
