Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize