period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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