Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
