I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
this is an emotional support booty call
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
