Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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