At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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