In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
