I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
