I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
