I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize