just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
