Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
