Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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