The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
