remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
