soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
