Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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