went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
