you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
