I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
