I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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