I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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