There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We were destined to go to rehab together
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
