I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
