stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
