It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
