That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
