I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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