I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
