It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He felt like a one man threesome
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize