Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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