it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
then he tried to convert me to islam
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
