So drunk its hurt
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Randomize
