Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
