I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
