pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
