He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize