I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
