And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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