you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
