very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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