You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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