I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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