at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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