It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I need to align my fucking chakras
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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