Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
