I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
