Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
