Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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