Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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