ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
