she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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