I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
