This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
