If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
