You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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