whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
