'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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