Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
