i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
